Room to Breathe
by JenLea
Summary: Sometimes being alone is the best way to deal with pain, as Trish finds out.


Room to Breathe

Disclaimer: I own no one!

A/N- Written for a very special friend who will probably never read this…

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Even though she had people worried about her, Trish Stratagias just didn't care.

Slowly, she began to withdraw from people. Her friends noticed but the more they tried to help, the more she pushed them away. She didn't want to see them. Their calls went unanswered. Their messages listened to without calls back…

The emails went unread. She didn't want to know that people cared. She didn't want attention showered on her. A lot of people went through this. She didn't need the pity because she was Trish…

No one noticed the pain in her eyes. A hollow look replaced the thoughtful sparkle. Nothing anyone said or did could bring the sparkle back. She just wanted to be left alone…

Her colorful outfits grew blander. Pinks and yellows became grays and browns. She wore no jewelry, preferring to be simple and not noticeable.

As much as she didn't respond to messages, she listened to every single one. She heard the concern in their voices, from Amy's slight drawl, just barely noticeable to Carlos' deep Puerto Rican accent. She knew they were only trying to help…

_Trish, it's Amy. Pick up, please! What the hell is going on with you? It's not like you to let so many calls go answered. Please call me…_

_Trish, it's Lilian. Amy told me you haven't called her back. God, I was beginning to think it was me. It's not though. Chica, what is it?_

_Trish, I'm sorry it didn't work out with you and Randy. Please return my call. Let me know I exist in your world…_

Each message was the same. Please call me. I'm worried about you. Trish didn't care. She didn't need their sympathy. She didn't need anything from anyone…

The small room in the mountains was her sanctuary. Four walls, a bed and a small bathroom were all she needed to survive. The bare necessities, no more, no less…

No decoration covered the bare brown walls. She didn't need distraction, the reminders of happy times. She just wanted to be alone…

Trish didn't want to shun everyone she knew. She didn't like doing it. She just couldn't deal with people telling her that they knew her pain. No one could know her pain…

Did they know what it felt like to find out the love of her life couldn't be hers? Did they know what it felt like to love someone so much only to have to set them free?

No one could know her pain…

Some nights, she felt her fingers aching to dial the phone. To talk to Amy, Lilian, anyone other than the kindly Inn Keeper and his elderly wife! She couldn't do it though. Isolation was her best friend…

Some said she fell in love too easily. She didn't see that. She had only really loved one person. Randy had been special, different from the other guys. Not anymore…

Each day, she walked. Walking kept her last link of sanity together. Her mind didn't wander when she was walking. It was as if walking helped ease her pain…

It was a lonely time for her. The only one who could help her was herself. Her heart ached, with the thought of lost love, of love that could never be and the prospect that she would never love again.

Finally, she reached her breaking point. The pain was too much for her to bear on her own. Someone had to know…

"Amy?" Her voice trembled violently.

"Oh my God, Trish."

"Amy, I need help. I need to talk to someone,"

"Talk to me, Babe. You know I love you to death,"

"I need to be alone. I've been up in the mountains. However, I don't know what to do,"

"What do you mean, Sweetie?"

"I can't get over giving him up. I loved him. I really did. Who would have guessed that I was just a fling and that he really loved Melina? I can't be with someone if I don't hold their whole heart,"

"Trish, my love life sucks. I think you need to deal with this on your own. You have some people very worried about you though. They just want to help…"

"Can they heal my broken heart?"

"No,"

"Then, they can't help me. I'm a grown woman who can handle my heart…"

"Trisha, drop me a line when you're feeling better. I'll get the others to back off,"

"Good bye,"

Trish knew Amy was right. She was the only one who could heal herself. She was the only one who could make it all right…

One day, she would be able to make it on her own, loving the way she had. One day, she would go back to being herself, happy and carefree. One day, she would laugh and embrace her friends the way that she once had…

That was all in the future though.

For now, she just needed room to breathe.

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